Falling Apart

A/N: HEY, GUYS! Finally, I’m back. I’ve been really busy with school, trying to maintain my class standing and all so I’m really sorry it took me such a long time to update. But here it is, an i-can’t-sleep-at-night-so-I’ll-write-a-story-updateJ Thanks for waiting. I promise to write more since it’s s.u.m.m.e.r :] I love you. ♥

______________________________________________

And it hurts so bad that I search my skin for the entry point that love went in, and ricocheted and bounced around and left a hole when you walked out.

______________________________________________

“You said you needed a break,” she mumbled. “I didn’t know it meant a heart break.”

Silence followed and as minutes ticked away, it seemed as if it was swallowing us.

“I know. And I’m sorry. I know sorry doesn’t cut it but-“ I started but she cut me off. “That’s right. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Your justifications, your reasons, they don’t cut it. Nothing cuts it, Draco,” she said harshly. Then softly she added, “But we could run away, we could start all over.”

“Mione, I need you to understand. Nowhere is safe, not even the Muggle world… But if I could, I’d run away with you. I’d leave this shit and run away with you. But I can’t. You know I can’t. I’m bound to HIM, Hermione. And it’s not something I can easily get away from.”

She turned away from me and I knew tears were welling in her eyes. Tears were in mine too but I held them back. I had to be strong. For her, I had to be.

“If we run away, he’ll still find us and he’ll kill us both,” I reached for her hand and entwined my fingers with hers. “If staying away and leaving you means keeping you safe, then I’d do it. I’d never risk you, ‘Mione. Never.”

She started sobbing then. I pulled her to me and we both cried. Damnit. Screw holding back the tears.

“But I can’t lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, but this is me,” I looked at that blasted Dark Mark tattooed on my arm with such hostility knowing this is what’s keeping us apart. “This is who I am, every bad decision I’ve made and will make. This is out of my control anymore.”

“Precisely. I know it’s out of your control and I don’t blame you.”

“That’s the point, Hermione. You don’t care that I am-” I couldn’t bring myself to say those two bloody words, Death Eater- “that I am who I am. And you should. You should hate me. You should despise me after everything I did to you and to your friends. You should loathe me just for being like this. But you don’t. And that’s exactly what I do to you. I make you irrational. It’s like I bring out the worst in you. The smart and wise Hermione Granger is tainted by my very presence.”

“Maybe I’m being irrational but that’s because I love you. I fear your safety when you’re with them, when you’re with him.”

“You’re better off without me, ‘Mione. All I do is bring you pain and suffering and I don’t want to do that anymore. You have Potter and Weasley. I can never protect you the way they can.”

“But I’m never better off without you, Draco! Can’t you see that?” She pulled away from me and threw her hands up in frustration. “I would never be better off without you.”

“And I’d be miserable at best without you! But you, you’re safety is my priority. If I have to leave you for you to be safe, I’d do it.” I reached outto her and caressed her cheek with so much love, wiping her tears away. She took my hand and held it tightly. Cupping her cheek, I kissed her. I kissed her with all the love that I had. I kissed away every pain and suffering and misery I ever gave her. I kissed away all the hurt I caused her. I kissed her with the thought of never wanting this moment,us, to end.

But so much for wishes and aspirations and dreams, I’ve learned the hard way they get you nowhere in my world, especially now.

“Hermione, I want you to listen to me. I want you to remember every bit of moment we ever spent together, even this. I want you to know that I didn't do this because I want to hurt you. I want you to know I did this because I love you. One day, when all of this is done, we’d be together again. I’d find you and we’d be together and nothing will separate us again. But for now, this is goodbye.”

I kissed her one last time knowing it would be the last. For now and for quite a long time.

“Goodbye, Hermione. Be safe, and I love you. Don’t forget that,” Iwalked away briskly and stood behind a wall quite far from where Hermione’s still slumped down on the floor.

I stood behind that wall for a while, crying and allowing my emotions totake over me for once. And I took a look at Hermione from behind that wall, I saw her still there, shaking and sobbing softly. I wanted so badly to take everything I said back and just run away with her. But I can’t. Merlin’s beard, everyone knows I can’t.

And then I heard her voice. It breaks my heart all over again.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t lose you, but I did. I lost the one thing that made everything better. I lost you, Draco.” She wiped remaining tear stains from her cheeks and pushed herself off the ground. “I love you, Draco,” I heard her mumble softly, thinking I was no longer there and left for the dorm.

But I was there. I saw everything. I heard everything. And I didn’t do anything about it. I just slumped down the floor and allowed the emotions to flow through me once again. And when I allowed those emotions to overtake me, I fell apart.

_____________________________________________________________

Disclaimer:

Hermione and Draco, I obviously don't own them. They're from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling. If I owned HP, it'd be Dramione all the way ;)