Nothing

Love hurts. I know that it sounded so cliché but it's true. Love really does hurt. Especially if it's unrequited and unnoticed.

John is amazing. Probably the coolest, nicest, funniest guy on the planet. He's sweet. He's kind. He's thoughtful. And I could go on and on saying how amazing he is.

And yes, I love him. But I'm not supposed to feel this way.

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His birthday came and I texted him a birthday greeting.

But it wasn't that simple "Hey, happy birthday!" kind of thing. It was something personal. It was where I poured my heart out. It was something special. And it went like this:

HOOOOOY! Happy Happy Happy birthday! I know I'm not the person you wished to greet you first but just give me this one, please? So yeah. Happy birthday. I just want you to be happy with life. With your friends. With your family. I want you to be happy with who and where you are now. And yes, even though it kills me to say this, I want you to be happy with ANNA. I want you to respect her as you respected me. I want you to love her as much as you loved me. Yes. I want you to be happy with her. Not because I'm going for reverse psychology when I actually mean I want you to be happy with me. But because I know how much she means to you. I know how much she makes you happy. Even though I wouldn't actually admit it to anyone but you, I also know how much you really love her. I can see it in your eyes. The love. The intensity. The immensity of the love you feel for her. It's there. It's evident when you look at her.

I want you to be happy with her because I wasn't able to make you happy when we were together. All I did was to hurt you and to make you feel miserable. And I regret all of those. I regret making you feel unloved when I actually loved you so damn much that it hurt. But I hope you will believe in me when I say I loved you and I love you.

Yes. I still love you. Just don't tell me it's not healthy and inappropriate. I. Love. You. And I think it's going to be that way for quite some time. But I promise, I'll move on. I'll get over you. I'll find someone new.

But for now, allow me to say I love you. Even for the last time.

And lastly, thank you. Thank you for everything. Thanks for being caring. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for being my best friend. Thanks for being my ex. And thanks for teaching me how to love unconditionally and without limits.

Sabihan mo syang sabi ko na mahalin ka rin niya. If not, I'll take you back. I'll never let you go again.

Just kidding.

Kinda.

So yeah. Happy birthday. God bless you. Be happy. I love you. Still. :)

That was my birthday greeting. Unusual right? After sending it to him, I realized I never gave my heart to someone as whole as I gave it to him. I never poured my heart out for someone on a message as much as I did for him. And, I realized I loved him so much that it made me look like a fool.

But yes. That’s what love does. It makes you a fool. It becomes your vulnerability. It becomes your weakness.

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Days passed. Weeks. Then a month and a half. I received no response. No thanks. No smiley. No nothing.

Not that I expected he would.

I. Was. Hurt.

So hurt I could cry a river. I opened my heart out to him and all I got was nothing. After finally giving up on hoping for a response, I simply told my self, "Well that sucked."

And yeah. As the song goes, "Dialled his number and confessed to him I'm still in love but all I heard was NOTHING."

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PS. IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'm not bitter and I’m not better. I’m simply on the thin line in between. I didn't write this to make you feel guilty of what you did. No. Not at all. I wrote this because I had to vent out what I've held inside for so long. But still, thanks.