I Can't Wait Forever

"What are you doing here?" I almost shouted. I saw him there, on my front porch like it was the most natural thing. 

Trace Anthony Force. The guy I've spent the most part of my high school life trying to forget but to no avail. The boy who had my heart since fifth grade. And, the boy who's heart I want so badly to just turn around. 

"I came here to talk." 

I stepped out on the porch with him and we sat on the steps. Everything felt to awkward and surreal. This was the closest contact we've had since we broke up three years ago. Even if he passed me on the hall, he wouldn't spare me a second glance. Just like I was invisible. 

"So what do you want to talk about?" I asked nervously, mentally bracing myself for what was to come next. 

"Us," he answered shortly. 

There's no more us. You made that pretty damn clear when you said I can kiss my apologies goodbye. 

"But there's nothing to talk about." 

"Yes, Bree. There is. You know there is." 

When I didn't respond, he continued. 

"Bree, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making everything more difficult for you. But you and I both know what happened. You left me." 

Oh please. I know my fucking mistakes. I don't need you to use them on me now. 

"Trace, if rubbing my mistakes on me's what you came here for, then you might as well just leave," I said in my calmest tone. 

"No, that's not what I came here for. Bree, I'm just so sorry. For everything. I love you. You know I do but-" 

"But what?!" 

"But I'm asking you to give me some time to pull myself together. I can't be with you again if I'm still uncertain that you won't leave me like you did before." 

"So that's it? You're asking me to wait a little longer?! Trace I've been waiting for you for three years, THREE FUCKING YEARS! Can't you see how hard it was for me? I could've just stopped waiting for you when you constantly pushed me away. I could've just acted like you never existed. But I didn't! I never did cause I hoped. I hoped that you would one day take me back again. I hoped cause I kept convincing myself that somewhere in your heart, you still loved me. I hoped cause I told myself time and time again that you were worth the wait. Trace, I even put my life on hold for you! Don't you get that?!

And now you tell me you love me but you can't be with me cause you think I'd leave you again? After all that I've been through for you just to hear those three words you still think I'd leave you? Trace, I can't. I'm sorry but I can't. You were worth the wait, you're special. But-" 

"But what Bree?" He said in a tiny voice that broke my heart. 

"But I can't wait forever," I finally broke down so I stood up quickly and slammed the door shut behind me, stopping myself from running to him and taking everything back. Cause God knows I love him. But I can't just wait forever. I just can't.