Yellow Envelope

I've known Gordo Timothy for a while now. It started when we were in fifth grade. We were best friends. We had been seatmates and inseparable since then. Fifth grade. Gordo was this average-looking guy. He wasn't the head-turner type. But there was something about him that gained him a lot of friends. And that included me.

He had this amazing nose that was wasted for a guy. He was white, not pale white but gorgeous white. Like milk white. And he was kind. Even to the younger students, and that included my cousin, Courtney Waldorf. Courtney always complained about him being too nice. Too much for his own good. And in the sixth grade, Gordo told me the least thing I would expect him to say:

We were walking around the field of our school with the group we had. We were at the farther back, throwing jokes at each other, oblivious to the world. We were laughing like total idiots, without a care in the world.

And I was in the middle of a joke when suddenly, he whispered: "I like that about you,"

"What are you saying, " I responded.

"I said, your humor is what's best about you." He told me with the smile that seemed simply reserved for me. Then on, I realized he liked me more than I thought he would.

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Our senior year came. It was the year of goodbyes. With me, realizing, I had no more time to spare.

You see, Gordo was amazing and I learned to like him back. He wasn't hard to like, anyway. He was simple, smart and kind. The type of guy I typically fall for. But, there were these three words that I simply could not say: I love you.

In all the books the I've read, all the movies I've watched, I've learned that you just couldn't fall in love with your best friend. No, cause that would ruin everything. But, I did. And I couldn't tell him. I was afraid to lose the friendship we had for nearly 6 years.

A week before our final retreat, I was sitting in my usual seat in class across Gordo and his best friend, Nate Arnolds.

My friends were telling me that Nate had a thing for me. And I just wouldn't believe because I knew Gordo and him were the best of friends. So, I needed to prove them wrong. I looked to his direction just to find out that they weren't lying. Nate was playing the guitar and singing Sky Sailing's Brielle. And looking directly at me.

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A day before the retreat, it was per tradition that letters were to be given to students from fellow students and they were to read it during the excursion. I admit, I received quite a lot of letters. But, I find myself waiting for the letter that never came.

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And the time for the letter-reading came. Still, no letter from him arrived. I was a little disappointed cause I was eager to know what he wanted to say.

I read the letters I received then, proceeded to what I should do. I couldn't waste my time thinking of his stupid letter that I never got.

I was in my thirtieth letter when I saw Gordo approach me, holding a yellow envelope.

I was thinking, Don't he dare approach me and say he's sorry for not being able to give me a letter. I swear to God I will strangle him.

But as usual, I was lost for words.

"Sorry. It's late. I crammed it," He said, with a smile that left me dumbfounded. I was supposed to scream at him, but no. Instead, I found myself saying, "It's okay. I understand." He then left without saying anything more.

As I was about to read the final letter, the one that Gordo gave me, I felt scared. Scared because I didn't know what to expect. But I read it, I had to. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't know.

I opened the yellow envelope finding 4 pieces of paper. Irregularly shaped. Instinctively, I began putting together those pieces and formed a regularly shaped rectangle with the words written on it. It read:

Hey, Brielle.

I don't really know what to say. Which is weird cause I always know what to say.

You already know that I've loved you for years now, six years to be exact. And that will never change. You'll always be special to me.

In those six years that I've loved you, I slowly began to realize that you will never be able to love me back. I know you love me as a friend, but I also know that that's where it ends. You and me being friends. That is.

I think it's time for me to let you go. Knowing that I can't give you the kind of happiness that you deserve. I love you so much, I have to do it. Even if it tears me apart to do so.

But, you should be in the arms of my best friend, Nate. He loves you more than you ever know. I can see it so clearly, he loves you more than anyone in this unfair world. He will make you happy, happier than I can. He will take care of you and your fragile heart. And he'll never break it. He will keep you safe and secure and he will never, ever leave you.

Unlike me, who's still unsure of myself. He's the right guy for you.

I love you. So much. And that's all there is to it.

Happy retreat.

So until then, I wish you well, my dear Brielle.


Love,
Gordo



P.S.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'll be okay. I do hope I'll be able to move on. See you in college, twinkles. :)

And that's where his letter ended. I keep groping for the possibility that he was kidding. I turned the paper down, upside, clockwise, to see if there was an "I was kidding" somewhere. But no, he really meant what he wrote.

Instead, I saw a hand-drawn heart at the back, nothing but a simple heart.

This led me to tears. Everything inside me broke apart. I

was ready to tell him I loved him but destiny just wouldn't allow me.

That night, I cried and cried and cried. The comfort from my friends just weren't enough. I wanted Gordo to tell me he was kidding. I wanted to know it was all a joke. But then again, I was disappointed because none of those expectations came.

He only thought of his heart, excluding mine.

I thought he was foolish but all of it was my fault; not having the courage to say those three words.

In the end, I've learned a lot of things. How to love, how to wait, the feeling of being broken and how to move on. And yes, I've also learned to take risks. The risk to love, even if it means losing the friendship. And lastly that risk to let go of the one you love for his or her happiness even though you're no longer part of that happiness.

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Co-wrote this with a friend, who doesn't want to be named though. XD Thanks for this, friend :P